A Dichotomy of Styles...

As Deuce will woo and awe you with tales of unending relational observation and human dramatics, I... will not. The eloquence and discriptive glamour with which my counterpart flows forth stories onto these "pages" is a skill, nay, a gift, which I will never possess. However, while I will not completely invalidate Deuce's abilities in my particular area of expertise, it is precisely that, MY area. I am unaware of the existence of a being, man or otherwise, who is so fully capable of putting the summation of all of the anger, frustration, and incalculable desire for murderous vengeance a particular subset of humans creates into a better soapbox rant than I. So without further ado...

Some people, in specific areas of life, are fucking pathetic. Maybe they never stop and evaluate what they're thinking, maybe I am missing something, maybe they just don't know any better but god dammit, listen for the pop. For those who are unawares, that'll be the sound your head makes when it comes out of your ass for the first time. I will now attempt to classify some of the people who I have encountered recently or have reason to bitch about.

The Social Remora
Much like the aquatic creature of their namesake, these people lack something that they then leech from others. In this case, it is a social life. Be it through lack of social grace, friend-finding ability, or some other unfortunate affliction these people are unable to exist without their host. What pisses me off is that friends are not a fucking address book, not a god damned hotel receptionist. I don't call Deuce because I want to hang out with Brian. I don't ask Zimmer if I can come over and chill because I'd like to host a social event at his house. I call Deuce because I want to hang out with him, and I call Zac because I want to hang out with him, wherever that may be. Tell you what, since I'm not a complete asshole (being an asshole is to me what a chimp's genetic code is to human's), I offer this advice, READ THIS and thank me later, if you have time with your busy social life.

The Religious Whackaloon
This can be adapted to pretty much anyone who wears something on their sleeve (or on the back of their car, you yellow fucking ribbon sticker bitches). I have no problem with someone discussing something ad naseum... if they're willing to do just that, discuss it. If you are not open to meaningful dialogue, part of which might involve an opinion that differs, no matter how greatly, from your own, then shut the fuck up. I wear a Livestrong bracelet. Yeah, I also know about Lance Armstrong's battle with cancer, the Livestrong foundation, where he's from, what his resting heartrate is, and the only stage of the Tour de France he won this year. In other words, I'd be happy to discuss it if only to show that I am an actual fan and not a fucking tag-along.

These motherfuckers deserve two paragraphs. If you want to talk about religion all day and night and wear your faith on your sleeve, you'd better be open to dialogue. Remember all the people who had conversations about Kerry's religious background in the '04 presidential campaign? No? That's because he made a statement, didn't discuss, and didn't wear it like it was his ticket in. Then, contrarily, remember the mass of discussion about Bush's? Yeah, wore it like it was his favorite bolo-tie. But he didn't mind talking about it, even with people who had a different view. Put up or shut up. Same with you popped collar assholes. If you can validate it, discuss it, or even say "I'm just following a trend" then good for you! If not, put your collar down and do something you actually feel comfortable admitting or has reason behind it.

The Hypocrite
Last, but certainly not least considering I embody this concept, is the hypocrite. Bitch about radio nazis, but are one? Complain when things don't go your way, but get on someone else's case when they do too? Bitch about something that you do regularly? Learn to cope fucker. Get your head out of your ass, pay attention to what you are doing, realize when you are being a hypocrite and fucking stop.

In summation, the worst person ever would: Wear their religion on their sleeve, talk about it all the time, have this talk erode their friendships to the point where the needed to vicariously survive via someone else's social web and then complain about how all of those people in their host's circle of friends wear their different religious beliefs on their sleeves too but be unopen to discuss it with them.

That person should be shot, beaten, killed, and then talked to death. An eye for an eye cocksuckers.





Get off your fucking cross...